I woke up this morning at 2:30 with my mind completely alert. After trying for an hour to go back to sleep I have decided that since I can't seem to get this off my mind that I will do this post.
Our sweet Hallie has sucked her thumb since she was 3 months old. At 18 months she started twirling her hair at the same time she was sucking. After her teeth moving dramatically and pulling out most of her hair on the right side of her head Zeb and I tried to get her to stop. Over the 9 months we have told her to "stop twirling" and "stop sucking" constantly in an attempt to get her to stop.
When we started telling her to stop it was a habit that she wasn't cognitively aware of. She did it without even realizing it (and still does some of the time). After a few months of telling her to stop she started announcing (with the sweetest smile), "I don't suck my thumb anymore!" And then about 45 seconds later it would be back in her mouth. She really didn't know.
After telling her for so many months to stop (and her still not stopping) she now tries to do it when we aren't looking. Friends and family have also told her, "don't twirl" and "don't suck your thumb, Hallie" as well to try and help us get her to stop. I have realized many things since then. When Hallie found out her primary teacher was moving she said, "Good." I was shocked. That is so unlike her. I said, "Hallie that wasn't a very nice thing to say." Her reply was, "Now she can't tell me to stop twirling." The way she said this was so emotional that I could tell how hard it was for her. She had loved this teacher but being told to stop twirling had affected her relationship with that wonderful teacher. I hope that no one reading this that has called Hallie on sucking her thumb or twirling her hair feels bad. I know you are all just trying to help us to get her to stop. Please don't feel bad.
Anyhow, now that she has been called on it so many times she is more aware of it. We wanted her to be more aware. The difference is now she feels like she has to hide it. This is not what we wanted. I feel so bad that we have made her so aware of it that she feels shame. It breaks my heart to think it is affecting her relationships with us as well as other people. I guess this is one of those situations where we wanted to help her so much and did what we thought would, but it hasn't helped and has only made it worse. It is really hard for me that she has been so affected by this. She is such a sweet little girl and I pray we haven't created any emotional scars.
I have learned that she will suck her thumb until SHE is ready to stop. I have talked to countless people that were thumb suckers and they all said the same thing. "Kids who suck their thumb will stop when they want to." This has made me think about a lot of things. We were put on the earth with agency to choose. No one is forcing us to choose one way or another. I can't make Hallie stop. I can only teach her and love her. Right now she isn't capable of understanding the reasons she should stop and isn't old enough to decide to. I could cry (and am) thinking about her being teased in school and all the things that could happen with this habit. But the bottom line is this,
I love her so much and don't want her to feel ashamed anymore. She shouldn't feel that way for this reason, at this age. She will stop when she is ready. Even if it is a few years away.
We have told her to stop for so many months that I think we have created a habit of telling her to stop. We'll have to break ourselves of that. So if you see her at church or preschool, (or in Utah if we visit this summer) or anywhere please remember not to say anything when her thumb pops in and her little fingers start to twirl...maybe give her a high five instead! ;)